Hello John
by Detective-Detective
Summary: Sherlock is back at 221B and hoping not to encounter his dear friend John before he has read a life changing blog entry but his plan doesn't go how it was suppose to.   WARNING: Suicide conversation.
1. Hello John

Sherlock woke up dazed and tangled in bed sheets trying to get his baring, he looked around and mumbled in a groggy tone.

"Where am I?"

He slowly began to remember the recent events of the night before. And god...he should have known…He was back at 221B.

He sat up suddenly beginning to worry if John knew he was alive, he untangled himself from the crisp white sheets before climbing off his bed.

Finally once he had sorted himself out, he walked to the door and pressed his ear against the cool wood and listened. Just listening for any movement, anything. He heard nothing, confirming John was either still asleep or had gone out.

"I better leave as soon as possible."

He muttered as he stumbled over to the trail of his clothes that were strewn across the floor.

Once dressed, he stepped out of his bedroom and began to walk slowly, quietly into the living room to see it just the same as it was three years ago.

"Has he even been living _here_?"

He wondered before he started to see the signs of a man who was lonely, desperate and depressed. "One dinner setting, empty bottles of alcohol and…Oh John…" He breathed, his expression one of sadness. He then continued to examine the room, taking a closer look at the desk with John's laptop on it. He flipped up the lid and saw a draft for John's blog. It was about him….

_Sherlock…I never stopped believing in you. You were my best friend the only person I cared about__…__**S**__**till**__ care about. I miss you Sherlock please don't be dead! You had to leave when I needed you the most, didn't you? I wish you were here. I love __you, my dear friend Sherlock Holm__es._

Sherlock stared at the screen in disbelief, from behind him he heard a loud gasp and the sound of a teacup smashing on to the wooden floorboard. He swore and slowly turned round to see the tanned, scared face of John Watson.

"Hello John."


	2. I hate you

"W-what the fuck?" John said quietly.

"John? John it's okay…"

Sherlock said as he stepped closer to the other man who was standing in the door way of the living room.

"Get away from me!" John shouted.

Sherlock felt his words cut through him. He stepped back, raising his hands as if he were surrendering.

"John, I'm sorry, please, please just listen to me."

"No, Sherlock! You are supposed to be dead! Where the hell have you been? Why did you leave?"

John began to raise his voice, feeling the tears spill out of his eyes and roll down his cheeks.

"John, I know it's hard for you to understand all this and that you've been hurting but it has been hard for me as well."

He tried to keep his voice calm and steady but he could feel the anxiety building up inside of him.

"Then where have you been for the past three fucking years? Hard for you? Hard for you! You didn't have to deal with thinking your best friend was dead!"

John began to sob, slouching against the door frame to stop himself from sinking to the floor.

"J-John, I'm so sorry. I have missed you so much."

He stepped closer to John and placed a pale hand on his shoulder. John lifted his head as Sherlock wrapped his long arms around his broad shoulders.

"I hate you Sherlock…"

John murmured into Sherlock's chest

"No you don't, John. But you have the right to be angry at me."

John stepped back and looked Sherlock in the eyes then slowly raised his fist. His knuckles making contact with Sherlock's cheek.


	3. I wanted to kill myself

Sherlock stumbled backwards slightly, gingerly touching his cheek where John had just punched him. He winced as he stared at John who was standing in the doorway with his fists clenched and tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Wh-John?"

John just shook his head, sinking to the floor. Sobs racked his body as he dug his fingers in his hair. Sherlock stepped forward and knelt on the floor next to him slowly and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"John, I'm so sorry I never meant to hurt you this much." He said quietly.

John just sobbed, not being able to say anything until finally he managed to croak out.

"Why did you leave, Sherlock?"

"I had to John, Moriarty would have killed you otherwise…I had to save you, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if you had been killed."

John stared up at Sherlock, eyes wide with confusion and fear.

"W-what?"

"Moriarty had snipers set to kill you if I didn't jump. There were only two ways to stop them, he had some sort of code word to stop them which only he knew…but he shot himself before I could get it out of him, so I had to pretend to die. I'm sorry, John. I would've come back sooner if I could have."

"Why?"

"Moriarty wanted to break me, break _**you**_. He was a psychopath."

John shook his head, trying to understand. Everything he has been though, all the pain, the loneliness and now suddenly his best friend was back? It just didn't make sense.

"I watched you every day, John. To check you were still in one piece." Sherlock said softly.

"Well I wasn't Sherlock, I haven't been in one piece ever since I saw you **_die_"**_**  
><strong>_

John's voice began to get louder again; he was angry, very angry.

"I know." Sherlock replied quietly.

John shrugged Sherlock's hand off of his shoulder. Staring him in the eyes, shouting at him.

"Oh, so you do know? You know that I was so alone, I didn't know what to do with myself… that I wanted to kill myself?"

John bit down on his lip, wishing he hadn't told Sherlock that.


	4. I think I should leave

Sherlock's eyes widened and a hint of anger flashed through them.

"What did you just say?"

John looked away, desperately trying to think of a lie to tell Sherlock even though he would see straight through it.

"N-Nothing…I didn't say anything."

Sherlock inhaled sharply and he gripped onto John's shoulder.

"Tell. Me. Now."

"Sherlock, it was nothing…really."

Sherlock's gripped tightened on John's shoulder who winced slightly.

"You just said that you tried to kill yourself! How is that _**nothing**_?"

Sherlock began to get angrier at his friend, the upset and anger coursing through his veins. _God he needed his drug supply right now._

"Look, Sherlock. I tried it once and I couldn't bring myself to jump."

Sherlock let go of John's shoulder and pushed himself up from the floor, staggering backwards away from John.

"Why would you do that, John?" He sounded upset and unsure.

John pulled himself to standing and slowly walked towards Sherlock.

"I-I couldn't…I couldn't live without my best friend."

John didn't know what to say or do. He needed his friend back but going by the way Sherlock was reacting he doubted that would ever happen.

"You said you believed in me, John. Why would you want to end your life?"

"Because I wanted to be with you, I thought you were dead."

"I gave you so many hints to show that I was still alive! I couldn't come back until now. I have travelled around the country, killing off Moriarty's men…one by one. Until _**you**_ were safe."

Sherlock explained quickly to the smaller man, turning to glare out of the window like he used to. The rain trickled down the windows, leaving trails of water. _ He really doesn't want to go back outside into that rain._

"I am strong, I can look after myself."

"You clearly can't, John." Sherlock snapped, instantly regretting it.

John frowned and nodded, looking hurt as Sherlock sighed and turned to look at him again.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, okay?"

John just nodded, going to sit in his old armchair.

Sherlock sighed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as he glanced around the living room of 221B. _It hasn't changed a bit._

"I think I should leave…"

**Slightly longer chapter than the others! Sorry for the wait everyone. I hope you liked it though! D-D x**


	5. She left me

John's eyes widened and he looked up at Sherlock, slowly shaking his head.

"No, you can't just leave again."

"But, Jo-"

"No! I'm not going to let you leave me again!"

John shouted, looking slightly panicked as he jumped up and grabbed his best friend's arm. Sherlock frowned, finding it hard not to flinch away from the contact.

"John, I am deeply sorry for what I did. I never…I never meant to hurt you in such a way. "

Sherlock rumbled, trying his hardest to apologise properly in hope that the other man wouldn't get angry again. Yes, it had been three years. And yes, he had hurt John but he couldn't do anything else.

John gave a small nod and pulled his hand away from Sherlock's arm, licking his lips nervously and taking a deep breath.

"Your room is still the same; I didn't do anything to it."

"I know."

"What?"

"I know that it's the same. I woke up in there this morning."

John was about to say something to Sherlock but decided against it, instead he just nodded again and headed into the kitchen where Sherlock's experiments still lay. Well, apart from the body parts in the fridge. Sherlock slowly followed John into the kitchen, not wanting to make the other man feel crowded in any way.

"Tea?"  
>John asked but he didn't even wait for a reply. He flicked the switch on the kettle and the sound of boiling water began to fill the quiet room. Sherlock watched John carefully, his striking grey eyes roaming over the other man as he deduced him. His eyes finally settled on the gold wedding band around his finger.<p>

"John? What is that?"

"What is what?"

"That…thing on your finger. You are married?"

Sherlock frowned, taking a step towards his friend. John looked down at his lightly tanned hand, the gold ring glinting in the artificial light of the kitchen.

"Yes, her name is…was Mary." He mumbled, his hand flexing and un-flexing.

"Was?" Sherlock questioned, intrigued about what had happened.

"I don't want to talk about it, Sherlock. Okay?"

"Why not? If you still have your ring on I assume you are still married, she isn't dead or you would have her ring as well. Which you don't because all you have around your neck is your dog tags."

John turned to face Sherlock, not meeting his eye. He just kept his gaze on the ring around his finger.

"She left me. There…I said it…"

**I am so very sorry for the long wait! But here is the fifth chapter and I promise to get the sixth one out sooner! **

**Love D-D x**


	6. That gentle touch of skin

Sherlock furrowed his brow, barely understanding that John was getting divorced.

"And why would she do that? She must have…loved you to marry you."

He said, the words sounding foreign on his tongue.  
>John shrugged and turned back to the kettle once it had boiled, making their tea like he used to. Something felt odd to John and he couldn't quite put his finger on it.<p>

"It doesn't matter, Sherlock. Okay? It's happened and I can't do anything to change it."

"Well it does matter if it is upsetting you so much, you are trembling."

Sherlock pointed out with ease, noticing the slight tremor in John's shoulders and hand. John let out a small huff, clenching his fists and tensing his body slightly to stop himself shaking.

"Just leave it, Sherlock!"

John snapped, pitching the bridge of his nose and taking a deep, soothing breath. He didn't know why he was getting so wound up, Sherlock was only looking out for him and he guessed that was a lot from Sherlock seen as the other didn't show that much emotion.  
>Sherlock just grumbled something and walked into the living room, a few minutes later the sound of gunshots could be heard echoing through the flat as Sherlock shot a new drawing into the wall.<p>

* * *

><p>John walked into the living room after half an hour; he'd needed some time to calm down so he didn't end up punching Sherlock again.<br>Sherlock was flopped in his armchair, just like he always used to be, and was twanging the strings of his violin.  
>The new gunshot drawing in the wall was placed just next to the first one made by Sherlock all those years ago, it was a sad face which made John roll his eyes.<br>He passed Sherlock the cup of tea but Sherlock reached out and grabbed his left hand, turning it over from one side to the other and examining it closely for some reason unknown to John.  
>But one thing he did know was that his heart fluttered at that gentle touch of skin, that feel of Sherlock's smooth finge-<br>He was cut off by Sherlock pulling away and taking his tea, beginning to sip it as he drifted off into deep thought and became completely oblivious to John's now flustered state.

John awkwardly shuffled over to his own armchair, his face bright red but the butterflies in his stomach were beginning to settle and his pounding heart was calming.  
>This could not be true; he would not believe this was happening. No. He was not falling for his flatmate who had supposedly been dead for the past three years. It could not happen. It would not happen.<p>

**Thank you for all the great comments so far! It's nice to see people enjoying the story. So this is the sixth chapter, I am aiming to get John and Sherlock together in chapter ten. Thank you once again. D-D x**


	7. Their Lips Were Centimetres Apart

The next day as John was walking through the flat to the bathroom-his vision blurred with sleep and his dressing gown hanging open slightly - Sherlock was perched on his armchair again, his fingers against his lips until he caught sight of John. He cleared his throat and tore his eyes away from the Army Doctor's body, a strange feeling bubbling up inside of him.

John only noticed Sherlock when he heard the cough, jumping and waking himself up fully. He grabbed his dressing gown and pulled it around himself tightly, his cheeks turning a bright shade of pink.

"Sherlock...um...what are you doing up?"

"Thinking."

Sherlock replied to his flatmate, trying to look like there wasn't a stirring in his trousers due to what he had just seen.  
>John gave a slight nod and hurried off to the bathroom, of course he'd noticed how Sherlock was acting but...how could it be? He always thought his friend wasn't in to men or women.<p>

* * *

><p>A couple of hours later, once John and Sherlock had both composed themselves from the small incident earlier on. John went to face his friend, sitting him down in his armchair before moving over to his own.<p>

"Sherlock, I think we should talk."

"Yes, you're right. We should."

John looked a little taken aback, not expecting the man to agree so easily. He at least thought he'd put up some sort of fight.

"R-Right, okay. Well...It's to do with us and the reason I am divorc..."

John trailed off as he watched Sherlock rise from his chair, slowly making his way over to John.  
>He placed his large hands on either side of the arm chair, leaning down a little so he was closer to John.<p>

"It's okay, you don't need to explain anything."

He murmured as he watched John swallow hard, looking somewhat aroused and nervous.  
>Sherlock leaned forward even more, his knee nestled between John's legs now so he had a better lips were centimeters apart, John could just lean forwards and kiss the man...<p>

Then everything went black.

**Sorry for the extremely late chapter, I've had a lot going on. I hope you enjoy!- D-D x**


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